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The ramblings of a Scotch/Irish/Welsh/’Merikan

Tag: nontrad

Real man, real

Oh man. 

So here’s the thing about this blog of mine.  I consider it work.  I’m ok with that, I really am.  Some people would love to go on and on about the beauty of the written word and how blogs let people express themselves in new ways and how print is dead and la la la, but none of that is true.  The bottom line is, blogs are as silly as Facebook and anyone who regularly blogs is just as obsessed with the little icon telling you that you have a new follower or someone left you a comment or you’ve gotten “x” amount of views today.  Its all vanity.  Call it what it is.  Embrace it.  Don’t make yourself look silly by saying you are pouring your thoughts out and you aren’t concerned with your views or likes or whatever.  If that were the case, you would be writing your thoughts in a tattered journal like the rest of us.  

I’m not sure why I switched modes and started scolding the fictitious blogger, but it happened and I’m ok with it.  You know why I’m ok with it? Because this is a blog and it’s not real.  

Speaking of things that aren’t real. 

Have you read The Velveteen Rabbit lately? You should.  It’s a doozy. So many layers! Like onions, or ogres. 

As this blog is not real, and as this blog is work, and as the much anticipated (HA) spring semester of school has started and as most of said semester will be spent doing work on this computer then it is only logical that this blog be updated more as a part of things I’m slightly energized by and as a way to distract myself from doing other work that is not real, but this other not real work will eventually earn me a teaching degree. 

Speaking of MORE things that aren’t real.

One of my favorite stories from my time on the road is this:

So I’m in a swanky hotel with a few guys having just played a Radio and Records showcase with an Artist I used to tour with.  For those of you following along at home, a R&R showcase is when a band performs in a rather large conference room for a maybe 50 or 100 people who all think they are much more important than they are.  The band is usually desperate and the suits audience know it.  So there is a full stage and lights and smoke and the whole shebang set up in this hotel conference room.  The band is expected to go on stage, play three or four songs that all have radio potential, and play them with the same gusto as if they were playing Madison Square Garden.  It’s humiliating.  It’s degrading.  It’s the music industry.

So the band is up there rockin, right? The audience consists of 1) radio program directors from across the country 2) record label stooges 3) interns, dear god the interns, as far as the eye can see.  So. Fucking. Hipster. 4) mid-level positions of both radio tools and record company stooges.  Those are the worst.  A little higher than an intern, but with no power or authority, but always seem to need that blue tooth headset.  

I forgot why I started talking about showcases.. 

Oh yea, things that aren’t real.  

So we play the showcase, and we’re back at the hotel and we’re having some drinks and we’re going on a long tour the next day and we’re having a good ole’ time.  One of the guys I’m with stares off, lost in thought. He sits like that for a bit and then says “this is not real.”  “What’s not real?” we ask him.  

“This whole thing.  Sitting in a hotel, having drinks, being on tour, playing showcases for those people, all of it.  It’s not real.  The second you make all of this your reality, you’re ruined.” 

Maybe the most true thing that I’ve ever heard.  Gave me chills again just writing it.  I wonder if it’s weight translates if you’re reading it right now, or if it was just one of those really important moments that life threw at me one time.  Who knows.  Either way. 

 

Well its good to know that you’ll be ok..

 

So we can all just agree that Black Friday turns seemingly normal humans into homicidal maniacs, right? Vonnegut says that West Point does the same thing, but thats neither here nor there. 

I went a week or so without internet.  We took the Marching Band to Chicago for the Thanksgiving Day parade, and the hotel had no internet.  Actually it did, but I had to pay for it, and who’s got the energy anymore?  So I went without.  Here’s what I realized:  I don’t actually need the internet.  Facebook is worthless and a bringer of insecurities, HuffPost is usually a huge bummer about the human race, and NFL.com is hard to read the week after a Chiefs loss.  Other than online classes, I actually have no basic need for internet.  Interesting.  

I had a week off of college, and I may have turned back into an adult.  Not to worry, I have to go back today (Yes, on a sunday) for a concert.  I’d say its the worst possible scenario for a nontrad with kids.  1:30 reherasal, 7:30 concert.  There goes the sunday, folks.  

I’ve been thinking lately about how bad of a car accident I would have to find myself in to accomplish the sweet mixture of 1) missing college classes just long enough for a break, but not long enough that I couldn’t recover, 2) keep me in the hospital just long enough to get some sympathy from the professors and only have to make up a fraction of the work, 3) no death, I dont have time, 4) No long term injuries.  A few broken things, and maybe re-learning how to walk? I’m still planning.. 

So, yeah, I’d say I’m not a fan of going to campus today.. 

If I’m in a mild but slightly serious accident on the way up, and the only logical explanation from the Highway Patrol is that the driver of the Volkswagen Golf steered his vehicle into a street light, or bridge embankment, no need to worry, I should be fine in a few weeks.  Ya know, right around Christmas break.

#notacryforhelp #justbeingfunny #dontreadintoit 

 

Cheers!

“What if this is as good as it gets?”

About college.

I just deleted a hefty posting on the subject of college because I did not appreciate my own negativity.  My brain is a bit much for me sometimes. I went on and on about how many things I dislike about college and the people and whatever else I could fit in to a negative rant.  

Instead I’m going to list things that I actually enjoy about the ole’ non trad (is “non trad” one word or two? nontrad, non trad. They both give me the red squiggle underline) experience. 

1) The campus is beautiful in the fall.  I’m not joking.  There are a ton of trees in various colors and its just a pleasant place to look at. 

..this is not good. I’ve been staring at the screen thinking for five minutes, which seems like not very long, but stare at your computer screen and think for five solid minutes and tell me its not a long time.  Anyway.  I’ve not been able to think of another thing. I’m sure it will come to me.  Lets just keep moving, shall we?

My whole idea behind the State of Things in College blog idea is because it is the question I’m most frequently faced with answering, and I always give one of two responses, depending on the person. 

Question: “Hey man, hows college life?” 

Response 1) “As good as it gets.” Which to me is a way of saying that it is shit without saying that it is shit. To the person who is not fully aware of my sense of humor, “as good as it gets” could be interpreted as “i’m not sure how it could be any better! It’s so great,” when in reality, what I mean by that is “there is no way that the worst thing could ever be anything other than the worst thing ever.”  Melvin Udall, the incredible character from the movie “As Good as it Gets” comes to mind. He is my college alter ego I believe. Or split personality, or however I should have used that reference. 

This response is generally given to family members, acquaintances, or to anyone that I’m not in the mood to explain the whole shebang to. 

Response 2) “It’s so much worse than I thought it was going to be.”  This, my babies, is the legit truth. Some of you have received this response from me, and for that, I apologize.  I’m actually trying to get this response out of my lexicon, but if I learned anything from the Disney Corporation, it’s that lying will make your nose grow, and your bad friends will get you drunk and make you smoke cigars, and you may or may not turn in to a donkey for the rest of your life.

Can we take a minute and talk about how NOT OK old Disney movies are? Pinocchio terrified me as a child.  I remember that bad kid (cant think of his name, don’t want to look it up) turned in to an effing donkey because he was bad, and then he just got left on the island! What?!  That is not ok!  Remember how scared he looked when he was getting transformed, then his screams turned to donkey sounds and then the scene ends and we’re not concerned about all those kids who turned in to effing donkeys! Dang. 

Then there is Peter Pan.  “what makes the red man red” is the name of a song. Something tells me that the Native American culture is not fully comfortable with the nature of that tune, or how Disney portrayed “Injuns” in that film.  Not to mention the fact that Wendy Darling and the mermaids are fighting over peter, to which Peter replies “Just like a girl, jealous and fighting.”  Racism, check.  Sexism, check.  

Dumbo!  God help us, Dumbo! Half of the movie is a G.D. hallucination! Dumbo gets tanked on whatever the clowns are drinking, then goes on a crystal meth-ish all night bender, ending with his giant elephant ass up in a tree being mocked by stereotypical “black guy” barbershop quartet singing crows!  What the hell! 

What was I talking about before the Disney stuff? Oh yes, college.  Ummm, I need to get back in that rhythm because all I’m thinking about now are Disney movies and I want to think of more.. 

Ok, college. College… 

either way. I’m not digging it, but it will be over soon.  Actually a year ahead of schedule, so that’s a plus.   I knew I would think of another positive! There it is!

That witch from Snow White used to scare the shit out of me too.  Was it Snow White or sleeping beauty?  The one that has the black cloak and the big nose.  I’d google image it right now just to be sure, but I would lose sleep over it if I saw her.  Disney, man.  

Cheers!