I was spending too much time thinking of a clever title, so I canned the whole Title

I about to begin to study for a math final.  Even as I type that I feel a mix of embarrassment and annoyance.  I feel embarrassed often when I’m on campus or when I’m talking to people about being in college.  I know the obligatory response from everyone is “no! good for you for going back!” and so on, but either way, it is somewhat embarrassing to be taking a math class with 19 year olds.  

If I’ve learned anything from college thus far, it’s this: If you want to be a teacher/professor, a doctoral degree supersedes people skills, calling, ability, and effectiveness.  I’ve now had two professors who have proven this, both of whom are close to my age, both with doctorates in their field who both have no business teaching anyone anything.  There should be a rule against going from undergrad to masters to doctorate to teaching.  An advanced degree doesn’t necessarily mean that you know how to speak to other humans well. 

So there’s that.  

Tomorrow I will walk out of a math class for the last time in my life.  One of the main reasons I avoided going back to school over the years was because of my disdain for math.  I’ve since had to take 3 math classes.  It’s so much worse than I imagined.  In my mind, tomorrow goes something like this: I finish my test, turn it it, return to my seat, take my pants off, poop everywhere, leave pants in poop seat, walk out of class with both middle fingers in the air and someone hands me a Tank 7 and a cigarette. 

Thats silly of course. You can’t smoke on campus anymore.  

I’ve got a winter break coming up, and son of a bitch, I’m going to read a book that isn’t required reading and has nothing to do with teaching kids.  I’m starting a book club with myself and no one is invited.  At my book club we drink, curse, make fun of people, and skip over boring parts of description.  

For those of you who are appalled that I would skip over long descriptive sections of books, I offer two quick notes.  

1) I overheard some kids at the college last week talking about the new Hobbit movie, and Lord of the Rings and so on.  One of the girls says to the group, “the movies are sooo much better, in the books, Tolkien spends too much time describing things, like he describes The Shire for like 5 pages.”  

To her and others like her, let me respectfully say that you are not smart and here’s why.  If Tolkien didn’t spend so much time describing the Shire, HOW WOULD THE EFFING MOVIE MAKERS KNOW WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE?! How would you know what to picture in your mind while you’re reading.  (I just double checked that I correctly used both forms of “your” and “you’re”) 

and 2) The last book I read top to bottom was David Copperfield in all of its 1000 page glory, so that give me a couple free passes to skip pages from Ivan Doig who I know nothing about and have yet to from an opinion on his descriptive paragraphs.  

Yep. I’m a nerd.

Here’s to pooping myself in math tomorrow!

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